Gabbar: Kitne admi they?
Sambha: Sardar 2
Gabbar: Mujhe ginti nahin aati, 2 kitne hote hain?
Samba: Sardar 2, 1 ke baad aata hai
Gabbar: Aur 2 ke pehle?
Samba: 2 k pehle 1 aata hai.
Gabbar: To beech mein kaun ata hai?
Samba: Beech mein koi nahi aata
Gabbar:: To phir dono ek saath kyun nahin aate?
Samba: 1 k baad hi 2 aa sakta hai, kyun ki 2, 1 se bada hai.
Gabar: 2, 1 se kitna bada hai?
Samba: 2, 1 se 1 bada hai.
Gabbar: Agar 2, 1 se 1 bada hai to 1, 1 se kitna bada hai?
Samnba: Sardar maine aapka namak khaya hai, mujhe goli maar do
Sunday, July 29, 2007
Saturday, July 28, 2007
July Collection of humorous Quotes
1. I sold my house this week. I got a pretty good price for it, but it made my landlord mad as hell.
2. When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep — not screaming, like the passengers in his car.
3. I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers.
4. "I'm not normally a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me, Superman!" - Homer Simpson
5. 5 out of 4 people don't understand fractions.
6. 47.5% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
7. 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
8. Do you know the difference between God and a neurosurgeon? God doesn't think he is a neurosurgeon!
9. Late one night at the insane asylum one inmate shouted: I am Napoleon! Another one said: How do you know? The first inmate said: God told me! A voice from another room shouted: I did NOT!
2. When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep — not screaming, like the passengers in his car.
3. I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers.
4. "I'm not normally a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me, Superman!" - Homer Simpson
5. 5 out of 4 people don't understand fractions.
6. 47.5% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
7. 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
8. Do you know the difference between God and a neurosurgeon? God doesn't think he is a neurosurgeon!
9. Late one night at the insane asylum one inmate shouted: I am Napoleon! Another one said: How do you know? The first inmate said: God told me! A voice from another room shouted: I did NOT!
Thursday, July 26, 2007
Dont Tell lies
One day Mr John bought a robot.
The robot had a specialty. It could detect a lie and would slap the lier on the face. Mr John's Son returned late from school that day so he asked him, " Son why are you late from school?". Son answered, "Dad we had extra classes today". Much to his astonishment the Robot jumped up and slapped the boy on his face. His dad told him" Son, this robot is special in that he can detect a lie and will then slap the person who lied now come on tell me the truth, " Why are you late?" "Dad I went for a movie", " Which movie?" "The Ten Commandments", 'Splat' again he got a tight slap on the face from the robot. " No dad honest I went for the movie Sex Queen." Shame on you son when I was your age I never used to do such shameful things." 'Splat', the dad gets a tight slap on the face from the robot. Hearing all this, the mother comes walking out of the kitchen saying, "After all he is your son, he will be like you", to which the robot steps up and gives a resounding slap on the mothers face!!!!!
The robot had a specialty. It could detect a lie and would slap the lier on the face. Mr John's Son returned late from school that day so he asked him, " Son why are you late from school?". Son answered, "Dad we had extra classes today". Much to his astonishment the Robot jumped up and slapped the boy on his face. His dad told him" Son, this robot is special in that he can detect a lie and will then slap the person who lied now come on tell me the truth, " Why are you late?" "Dad I went for a movie", " Which movie?" "The Ten Commandments", 'Splat' again he got a tight slap on the face from the robot. " No dad honest I went for the movie Sex Queen." Shame on you son when I was your age I never used to do such shameful things." 'Splat', the dad gets a tight slap on the face from the robot. Hearing all this, the mother comes walking out of the kitchen saying, "After all he is your son, he will be like you", to which the robot steps up and gives a resounding slap on the mothers face!!!!!
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
Ravan ka Dilemma
One fine morning, Ravan felt guilty day for all his bad deeds. He felt that he should go an apologise to Ram for all the problems he had caused.
So he went to Ram's house and knocked on the door. Ram opened the door and was surprised to find Ravan standing there. Ravan just kept staring and thinking but didn't say a word.
What was he thinking?
Ans: "Kis mooh se maafi maangoon?"
How communication matters a lot !!
Jack and Max are walking from religious service. Jack wonders whether it would be all right to smoke while praying.
Max replies, "Why don't you ask the Priest?"
So Jack goes up to the Priest and asks, "Priest, may I smoke while I pray?" But the Priest says, "No, my son, you may not. That's utter disrespect to our religion."
Jack goes back to his friend and tells him what the good Priest told him. Max says, "I'm not surprised. You asked the wrong question.
Let me try." And so Max goes up to the Priest and asks, "Priest, may I pray while I smoke?" To which the Priest eagerly replies, "By all means, my son...by all means."
Moral of the story: The reply you get depends on the question you ask. Example: Can I work on this project while I'm on vacation??
Saturday, July 21, 2007
AMAZING TEST!!!!
A first-grade teacher, Ms Neelam (Age 28) was having trouble with one of her students the teacher asked,"Boy. what is your problem?"
Boy. answered, "I'm too smart for the first-grade.My sister is in the third-grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third-grade too!"
Ms Neelam had enough. She took the Boy. to the principal's office. While the Boy waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms Neelam he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave.She agreed.
The Boy was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.
Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"
Boy.: "9".
Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"
Boy.: "36".
And so it went with every question the principal thought a third-grade should know. The principal looks at Ms Neelam and tells her, "I think Boy can go to the third-grade."
Ms Neelam says to the principal, "I have some of my own questions.
Can I ask him ?" The principal and Boy both agreed.
Ms Neelam asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?
Boy., after a moment "Legs."
Ms Nee lam: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?
Boy.: "Pockets."
Ms Neelam: What starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?
Boy.: Coconut
Ms Neelam: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft And sticky? The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer, Boy. was taking charge.
Boy.: Bubblegum
Ms Neelam: What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs? The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer...
Boy.: Shake hands
Ms Neelam: Now I will ask some "Who am I" sort of questions, okay?
Boy.: Yep.
Ms Neelam: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do.
Boy.: Tent
Ms Neelam: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first.The Principal was looking restless, a bit tense and took one large Patiala Vodka peg.
Boy.: Wedding Ring
Ms Neelam: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good.
Boy.: Nose
Ms Neelam: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver.
Boy.: Arrow
Ms Neelam: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' that means lot of heat and excitement?
Boy.: Firetruck
Ms Neelam: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' & if u dont get it u have to use ur hand.
Boy.: Fork
Ms Neelam: What is it that all men have one of it's longer on some men than on others, the pope doesn't use his and a man gives it to his wife after they're married?
Boy.: SURNAME
Ms Neelam: What part of the man has no bone but has muscles, has lots of veins, like pumping, & is responsible for making love ?
Boy.: HEART.
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the teacher,
"Send this Boy to IIM Ahmedabad, I got the last ten questions wrong myself!"
Boy. answered, "I'm too smart for the first-grade.My sister is in the third-grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third-grade too!"
Ms Neelam had enough. She took the Boy. to the principal's office. While the Boy waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms Neelam he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave.She agreed.
The Boy was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.
Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"
Boy.: "9".
Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"
Boy.: "36".
And so it went with every question the principal thought a third-grade should know. The principal looks at Ms Neelam and tells her, "I think Boy can go to the third-grade."
Ms Neelam says to the principal, "I have some of my own questions.
Can I ask him ?" The principal and Boy both agreed.
Ms Neelam asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?
Boy., after a moment "Legs."
Ms Nee lam: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?
Boy.: "Pockets."
Ms Neelam: What starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?
Boy.: Coconut
Ms Neelam: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft And sticky? The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer, Boy. was taking charge.
Boy.: Bubblegum
Ms Neelam: What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs? The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer...
Boy.: Shake hands
Ms Neelam: Now I will ask some "Who am I" sort of questions, okay?
Boy.: Yep.
Ms Neelam: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do.
Boy.: Tent
Ms Neelam: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first.The Principal was looking restless, a bit tense and took one large Patiala Vodka peg.
Boy.: Wedding Ring
Ms Neelam: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good.
Boy.: Nose
Ms Neelam: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver.
Boy.: Arrow
Ms Neelam: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' that means lot of heat and excitement?
Boy.: Firetruck
Ms Neelam: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' & if u dont get it u have to use ur hand.
Boy.: Fork
Ms Neelam: What is it that all men have one of it's longer on some men than on others, the pope doesn't use his and a man gives it to his wife after they're married?
Boy.: SURNAME
Ms Neelam: What part of the man has no bone but has muscles, has lots of veins, like pumping, & is responsible for making love ?
Boy.: HEART.
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the teacher,
"Send this Boy to IIM Ahmedabad, I got the last ten questions wrong myself!"
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
THE TRUTH
At school, a boy is told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, and that this makes it very easy to blackmail them by saying, “I know the whole truth” -- even when you don't know anything.
The boy decides to go home and try it out. As he is greeted by his mother at the front door he says, “I know the whole truth.” His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, “Just don't tell your father.”
Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, “I know the whole truth.” The father promptly hands him $40 and says, “Please don't say a word to your mother.”
Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day, when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, “I know the whole truth.” The mailman drops the mail, opens his arms and says, “Then come give your FATHER a big hug.”
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
IMAGINE YOU ARE IN AFRICA
Imagine you are in Africa. You have been tied hanging on a tree with a rope anchored on the ground, a candle is slowly burning the rope, and the lion is waiting for you to drop and be his lunch.
Monday, July 16, 2007
ASTROLOGICAL PRAYERS
Saturday, July 14, 2007
Friday, July 13, 2007
YOU WILL LAUGH YOUR HEADS OUT AFTER YOU FINISH READING THIS!!!!!!!!
Narrated by a women. Name not disclosed.
One day I met a sweet gentleman and fell in love. When it became
apparent that we would marry, I made the supreme sacrifice and gave up
eating beans.
Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the way home
from work. Since I lived in the countryside I called my husband and
told him that I would be late because I had to walk home. On my way, I
passed by a small diner and the odour of baked beans was more than I
could stand. With miles to walk, I figured that I would walk off any ill
effects by the time I reached home, so I stopped at the dinner and
before I knew it, I had consumed three large orders of baked beans.
All the way home, I made sure that I released all the gas. Upon my
arrival, my husband seemed excited to see me and exclaimed delightedly:
"Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight." He then blindfolded me
and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I took a seat and just as he
was about to remove my blindfold, the telephone rang. He made me
promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned and went to answer
the call. The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the
pressure was becoming most unbearable, so while my husband was out of
the room I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let
one go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck
running over a skunk in front of a pulpwood mill.
I took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air around me vigorously.
Then, shifting to the other cheek, I ripped off three more. The stink
was worse than stinking cabbage. Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the
conversation in the other room, I went on like this for another few
minutes.
The pleasure was indescribable. When eventually the telephone farewells
signaled the end of my freedom, I quickly fanned the air a few more
times with my napkin, placed it on my lap and folded my hands back on it
feeling very relieved and pleased with myself. My face must have been
the picture of innocence when my husband returned, apologizing for
taking so long.
He asked me if I had peeked through the blindfold, and I assured him I
had not. At this point, he removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner
guests seated around the table chorused: "Happy Birthday!"!! I nearly
died!!!
One day I met a sweet gentleman and fell in love. When it became
apparent that we would marry, I made the supreme sacrifice and gave up
eating beans.
Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the way home
from work. Since I lived in the countryside I called my husband and
told him that I would be late because I had to walk home. On my way, I
passed by a small diner and the odour of baked beans was more than I
could stand. With miles to walk, I figured that I would walk off any ill
effects by the time I reached home, so I stopped at the dinner and
before I knew it, I had consumed three large orders of baked beans.
All the way home, I made sure that I released all the gas. Upon my
arrival, my husband seemed excited to see me and exclaimed delightedly:
"Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight." He then blindfolded me
and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I took a seat and just as he
was about to remove my blindfold, the telephone rang. He made me
promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned and went to answer
the call. The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the
pressure was becoming most unbearable, so while my husband was out of
the room I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let
one go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck
running over a skunk in front of a pulpwood mill.
I took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air around me vigorously.
Then, shifting to the other cheek, I ripped off three more. The stink
was worse than stinking cabbage. Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the
conversation in the other room, I went on like this for another few
minutes.
The pleasure was indescribable. When eventually the telephone farewells
signaled the end of my freedom, I quickly fanned the air a few more
times with my napkin, placed it on my lap and folded my hands back on it
feeling very relieved and pleased with myself. My face must have been
the picture of innocence when my husband returned, apologizing for
taking so long.
He asked me if I had peeked through the blindfold, and I assured him I
had not. At this point, he removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner
guests seated around the table chorused: "Happy Birthday!"!! I nearly
died!!!
Thursday, July 12, 2007
ENOUGH OF SARDAR JOKES.. MALLU JOKES ARE HERE!!!!!!!
1) What is the tax on a Mallu's income called?
IngumDax
2) Where did the Malayali study?
In the ko-liage.
3) Why did the Malayali not go to ko-liage today?
He is very bissi.
4) Why did the Malayali buy an air-ticket?
To go to Thuubai, zimbly to meet his ungle in
Gelff.
5) Why do Malayalis go to the Gelff?
To yearn meney.
6) What did the Malayali do when the plane caught
fire?
He zimbly jembd out of the vindow.
7) How does a Malayali spell moon?
MOON - Yem Woh yet another Woh and Yen
8) What is Malayali management graduate called?
Yem Bee Yae.
9) What does a Malayali do when he goes to America?
He changes his name from Karunakaran to Kevin Curren.
10) What does a Malayali use to commute to office
everyday?
An Oto
11) Where does he pray?
In a Temble, Charch and a Maask
12) Who is Bruce Lee's best friend ?
A Malaya-Lee of coarse.
13) Name the only part of the werld, where Malayalis dont werk hard?
Kerala.
14) Why is industrial productivity so low in Kerala?
Because 86% of the shift time is spent on lifting, folding and re-tying the lungi
15) Why did Saddam Hussain attackKuwait?
He had a Mallu baby-sitter, who always used to say
'KEEP QUWAIT' 'KEEP QUWAIT'
16) What is the Latest Malayali Punch Line?
" Frem Tea Shops To Koll Cenders , We Are Yevery Where "
17) Why aren't Mals included in hockey and football
teams ?
Coz Whenever they get a corner , they set up a tea shop.
18) Now pass it on to 5 Mals to get a free sample of
kokanet oil.
19) Pass it on 10 Mals to get a free pack of Benana
Chibbs.
20) Pass it on to 15 Mals to get a set of BROGUN
bones...
IngumDax
2) Where did the Malayali study?
In the ko-liage.
3) Why did the Malayali not go to ko-liage today?
He is very bissi.
4) Why did the Malayali buy an air-ticket?
To go to Thuubai, zimbly to meet his ungle in
Gelff.
5) Why do Malayalis go to the Gelff?
To yearn meney.
6) What did the Malayali do when the plane caught
fire?
He zimbly jembd out of the vindow.
7) How does a Malayali spell moon?
MOON - Yem Woh yet another Woh and Yen
8) What is Malayali management graduate called?
Yem Bee Yae.
9) What does a Malayali do when he goes to America?
He changes his name from Karunakaran to Kevin Curren.
10) What does a Malayali use to commute to office
everyday?
An Oto
11) Where does he pray?
In a Temble, Charch and a Maask
12) Who is Bruce Lee's best friend ?
A Malaya-Lee of coarse.
13) Name the only part of the werld, where Malayalis dont werk hard?
Kerala.
14) Why is industrial productivity so low in Kerala?
Because 86% of the shift time is spent on lifting, folding and re-tying the lungi
15) Why did Saddam Hussain attackKuwait?
He had a Mallu baby-sitter, who always used to say
'KEEP QUWAIT' 'KEEP QUWAIT'
16) What is the Latest Malayali Punch Line?
" Frem Tea Shops To Koll Cenders , We Are Yevery Where "
17) Why aren't Mals included in hockey and football
teams ?
Coz Whenever they get a corner , they set up a tea shop.
18) Now pass it on to 5 Mals to get a free sample of
kokanet oil.
19) Pass it on 10 Mals to get a free pack of Benana
Chibbs.
20) Pass it on to 15 Mals to get a set of BROGUN
bones...
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
ULTIMATE INTERVIEW
Monday, July 9, 2007
Kyunki .... sab gareeb the
Once in a kindergarten, a teacher asked all students to write an essay on the topic "A Poor Family".
One student gets the lowest marks for writing that essay. The student happens to be the richest girl in the entire class and her essay goes on as.......
She wrote:Ek baar ek bahut hee gareeb family thi, husband aur wife dono gareeb they, do bachey they, woh bhi bahut gareeb they!!
Ghar ke saare naukar bhi gareeb they, ghar ka maali, driver, aur guard bhi bahut gareeb they.
Ghar ke 4 kuttey bhi gareeb they, 2 din sey chicken nahi khaaya tha.
3 mercedeez car thi, unki bahut time se servicing nahi hui thi, ghar ka A.C bhi theek nahi chalta tha, aur uppar se ghar mein 1 saal se paint nahi hua tha!!Family ko holiday ke liye foregin country gaye bhi 6 mahiney ho gaye they, Ghar ke 5 mein sey 2 TV to chaltey hee nahi they!!!
All in all, bahut hi gareeb family thi!!
One student gets the lowest marks for writing that essay. The student happens to be the richest girl in the entire class and her essay goes on as.......
She wrote:Ek baar ek bahut hee gareeb family thi, husband aur wife dono gareeb they, do bachey they, woh bhi bahut gareeb they!!
Ghar ke saare naukar bhi gareeb they, ghar ka maali, driver, aur guard bhi bahut gareeb they.
Ghar ke 4 kuttey bhi gareeb they, 2 din sey chicken nahi khaaya tha.
3 mercedeez car thi, unki bahut time se servicing nahi hui thi, ghar ka A.C bhi theek nahi chalta tha, aur uppar se ghar mein 1 saal se paint nahi hua tha!!Family ko holiday ke liye foregin country gaye bhi 6 mahiney ho gaye they, Ghar ke 5 mein sey 2 TV to chaltey hee nahi they!!!
All in all, bahut hi gareeb family thi!!
Saturday, July 7, 2007
IMPACT OF JOB CHANGE
A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a
question. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit
a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimeters from a
shop window.
For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said:
"Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out
of me!".
The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little tap
would scare you so much."
The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my
first day as a cab driver - I've been driving a van carrying dead
Bodies for the last 25 years....................
question. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit
a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimeters from a
shop window.
For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said:
"Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out
of me!".
The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little tap
would scare you so much."
The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my
first day as a cab driver - I've been driving a van carrying dead
Bodies for the last 25 years....................
Thursday, July 5, 2007
Monday, July 2, 2007
MBA v/s BCOM
This particular joke won an award for the best joke in a competition organized in Britain and this joke was sent by an Indian......
A MBA and a Bcom go on a camping trip, set up their tent,and fellasleep.Some hours later, the Bcom wakes his MBA friend. " look up at thesky and tell me what you see.The MBA replies, "I see millions of stars.""What does that tell you?"The MBA ponders for a minute.
"Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions ofgalaxies and potentially billions of planets.
Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo.
Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three.
Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we aresmall and insignificant.
Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.
What does it tell you?"
The Bcom is silent for a moment, then speaks."Practically...Someone has stolen our tent".
A MBA and a Bcom go on a camping trip, set up their tent,and fellasleep.Some hours later, the Bcom wakes his MBA friend. " look up at thesky and tell me what you see.The MBA replies, "I see millions of stars.""What does that tell you?"The MBA ponders for a minute.
"Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions ofgalaxies and potentially billions of planets.
Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo.
Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three.
Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we aresmall and insignificant.
Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.
What does it tell you?"
The Bcom is silent for a moment, then speaks."Practically...Someone has stolen our tent".
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