July Collection of humorous Quotes

1. I sold my house this week. I got a pretty good price for it, but it made my landlord mad as hell.

2. When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep — not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

3. I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers.

4. "I'm not normally a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me, Superman!" - Homer Simpson

5. 5 out of 4 people don't understand fractions.

6. 47.5% of all statistics are made up on the spot.

7. 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

8. Do you know the difference between God and a neurosurgeon? God doesn't think he is a neurosurgeon!

9. Late one night at the insane asylum one inmate shouted: I am Napoleon! Another one said: How do you know? The first inmate said: God told me! A voice from another room shouted: I did NOT!